A dream within a dream
by BurningCrystalEyes
Summary: Magnus dreams of Alec. Sad. Rated T. Malec


**A/N: Hi. I'm a Fanfic Virgin so please be gentle. (Or not) and tell me what you think! ;) (Please!)... I'm so nervous because I don't usually show anyone what I write... so excuse my long Authors Note... I ramble/babble/make bad jokes/ and randomly start to sing when I'm nervous! ;)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything (Cassandra Clare does). Not even the title... which btw is the title of a poem by Edgar Allan Poe (who is really an awesome Poet Dude! And his work... well I do not own it either)**

**Warning: I'm new... so I guess be warned (it may be bad! Hopefully it won't!) Also this fic is Rated T. Cause T comes after S, which comes after R (and *hint hint* R stands not only for 'Rumba' but also for REVIEWS! Which being new here I have never had the pleasure to experience, but be assured I will love anything that you take the time to write!) So Ah! ;) There it is. (Character's death mentioned and some minor guy on guy action but be warned if that's not your style. Know that I respect you, and I won't feel bad if you decide not to read it. Sorry... I'm a rambling nervous wreck :) Enjoy!**

A Dream within a Dream

The fierce wind blew the faint December snow across the quiet grounds. Centuries, it had been centuries since he'd last visited this place. The field wasn't much different than it was back then, the grass was still clinging to the stones and the trees seemed to be slowly twisting down on themselves towards the ground, as if the pain of the universe rested on their shoulders. Magnus stood there staring but not seeing. He had never known such pain could exist, and yet he had also never imagined that the fires of Hell would seem cold compared to the raging burn he felt inside his chest. He was so tired, so tired of fighting against the fire, he'd tried so hard to erase it, and he thought he'd had succeeded but last night, what he'd been pushing at the far end of his brain all these years came back to haunt him.

FLASHBACK

_The tune finished and the crowd momentarily went silent, before erupting in cheers. The tiny little girl with fierce brown eyes and plain hair tuck in a simple pony tail got up and took a bow before leaving the stage. Magnus stood beside the bar and looked around at the swell of dancing bodies, grinding, screaming, kissing and drinking all in a confused bash of faces, colors and shades. The music was blaring loudly as two men stepped on to the stage and began to push the grand piano out of sight. Magnus followed it longingly with his cat like gaze and sighted quietly when it disappeared behind the red velvet curtain. Piano; he had never known how to play. He had always wanted to learn but it seemed so futile when all he had to do his cast a spell to make it start playing itself. 'And that is the problem.' Magnus thought, the fact that he lived with the mentality that all could be solved with a snap of his delicate fingers. But he'd been wrong some things just couldn't be fixed, some things were just forever broken, or lost._

"_What can I get you?" a voice said close to Magnus's right, he turned and was faced with a tall dark skinned young man._

"_Something sweet." Magnus replied with a sad smile and the barman nodded to himself before pulling a glass from under the counter and mixing different varieties of bottles and ice. He placed the glass on the counter beside the High Warlock who only nodded and grabbed the drink in his hand. He continued to watch the pack of swirling mundanes, his expression blank. When suddenly he felt a light tap on his shoulder, he turned and was face to face with a pair of striking brown eyes, matching hair that hung low, thought not low enough to cover up the mark of Cain that grazed his pasty forehead._

"_Simon" Magnus said his expression calm._

"_Magnus" The vampire nodded. And they stared at each other for some time. Magnus remembered the last time he'd seen Simon..._

_FLASHBACK (IN A FLASHBACK)_

_Brightness surrounded them, the small crowd of Shadowhunters stood close to one another in front of the cold stone that stuck out the ground. Magnus stood farther back leaning against a tree for the support his legs wouldn't give him, letting the parents of his beloved say their last goodbye. He stood there for some time before two sad figures in matching outfits of white appeared._

"_Magnus, you should come closer."The girl had long gorgeous brown hair and elegant features even in this time of grief._

"_Isabelle I don't want to impose. I'll wait until your parents leave." Magnus said nodding to himself._

"_He wouldn't have cared about Mom and Dad." Isabelle said pleading._

"_Maybe" he said with half a smile, the first one he'd done in weeks. "But I do."_

"_Magnus, please, look they're leaving." She said pointing to Maryse and Robert who were both making their way to a small car parked not so far down the muddy road, closely followed by two red headed girls, one older than the other. "See, even Clary and her mother are leaving." Isabelle pleaded._

"_Come on Izzy, leave Magnus alone. It's his choice you can't force him." Simon said grabbing the girl's elbow and dragging her towards the car where her parents, Clary and Jocelyn were waiting._

_Magnus waited for them to leave and when they did he stared at the sun. Watching as it made its way across the sky and holding back tears when the last flicker of the golden rays died behind the horizon. When the stars and moon had become his only source of light, Magnus detangled himself from the tree he'd been clinging to for support and walked up to the lonely stone. He sat beside it on the ground laying his back against it and shivered as the cold creped through his trench coat and assaulted his caramel colored skin. When snow slowly began to fall from the heavens like ashes in the wind spread by angels; Magnus was holding back tears. When suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder, he turned looking up and saw Simon. He looked at him, the brown headed boy with pale skin, and remembered the dorky teen that walked in his apartment when they'd first met. It only took a second, but then he felt it. It wasn't love, it wasn't sadness, it wasn't confusion, it was hate; pure, strong, passionate hate. He stood up from the grown and felt like he might snap the other boy's neck. Simon looked back at Magnus his expression unfazed and said:_

"_Go ahead. Say it. I know you've wanted to say it for weeks now." Magnus stared at him and began to shout:_

"_You left me! You left me you bloody idiot! You deranged moron! You imbecile! You left to find him! And you left me alone, and now you're dead. You're gone. You're never coming back and I am alone!" he finished crumbling to the grown and hitting the gravestone with closed fists; sobs shaking his broken body. When he was done he took a raged breath and whispered: "I want to hate you, but I can't. I want to erase you, but you're my every thought. I want to stop feeling the pain, but it only keeps growing harder every day..." he stopped shocking on his breath and continued even quieter: "I wanted to look for you when you went missing, but I failed. I wanted to hold you when you got injured by that Monster, but I couldn't. I wanted to kiss you goodbye when your last breath escaped your lips, but I didn't... now I don't want to love you anymore, because my heart is shredded to pieces, because my soul died like the sun behind mountains of grief, and because the world is spinning like a roller coaster making me sick, dizzy and scared, but I can't. I cannot stop loving you. I see you everywhere and it makes me love you even more." He sighed and sniffed loudly looking up at the stars he whispered so quietly it seemed to float away with the wind. "You left me alone Alec, and now I love you more than ever and I'm scared. Yes the High Warlock of Brooklyn is scared, terrified, lost, empty, broken and in love."_

_END OF FLASHBACK_

"_Magnus?" Simon asked repeating himself; and Magnus felt thrown back into his reality, his head throbbing and his hands shaking. "Come on let's go somewhere else." Simon said taking his glass away and setting it on the counter before grasping Magnus's shirt and pushing through the crowd. After several minutes of pushing and pulling, they made it to a small room hidden behind the stage. The music was only a muted thumping in the background and Magnus was finally able to breathe. He looked around the small room and noticed the piano he'd seen earlier on stage, he walked to the bench and sat on it his back to the instrument._

"_Magnus, why did you contact me?" Simon asked getting right to the point and sitting on the other edge of the piano bench. Magnus looked up at him, that geeky little boy, who was about three thousand years old now, quite a few centuries younger then Magnus himself; and the magnitude of what he was about to tell him oppressed his entire core. _

"_I don't remember." He whispered, shame and self-hatred enveloping his heart in a thick coat of ice._

"_You don't remember what?" Simon asked confused._

"_Alec."_

_END OF FLASHBACK_

Magnus still stood in the dark, by the gravestone surrounded by the gigantic trees. He sighted looking down at the stone and trying to remember. He tried to remember his smile, the exact color of his dark hair, the exact shape of his dimples, the feel of his strong body pressed against his, the scent of his skin, the taste of his mouth, the feel of his soft lips pressed against his, the color of his eyes and the way they lit up when he saw the warlock. But most of all Magnus wanted to remember the sound of the Shadowhunter's voice, he wanted to see the brush of his lips when he said he loved him, or the twirl of his tong when he sighed the warlocks name... he wanted to hear him say 'Magnus'... he tried to remember and then he did, he could see him. Tall, dark hair, blue eyes like a midnight skies, lit up with a thousand stars, he could see him in his mind. If only he could hear him now. If only he could...

'Magnus' he thought he heard, and the ice around his heart melted. 'Magnus' he heard it again...again... 'Magnus!' the voice was so real so insistent, so vibrant, and so present.

"MAGNUS!"

Magnus woke up in cold sweats, and shaking in fear.

"Magnus?" A soft voice said close to his hear, he turned around and felt as if he might faint.

"Alec?" Magnus asked.

"Magnus are you alright?" Alec asked ignoring him, slight panic making his voice tremble. Magnus looked up in those blue eyes, and before he knew what he was doing he grasped the other boy and pulled him to his mouth; tasting him thoroughly as if he were the sweetest drink. Magnus heard Alec gasp before he melted into the kiss, both of them moving against the other like a dance.

"Please Alec. Please." Magnus said pulling back from the kiss, breathless.

"Please what?" Alec asked clear confusion in his blue orbs.

"Please I want to hear you say it?" Magnus begged and he thought that Alec looked taken aback by the request, but a small smile spread on his lips and he bent down touching them softly to Magnus's.

"I love you Magnus Bane" he whispered against Magnus slightly opened lips. Magnus sighed in pleasure closing his eyes and letting his heart be submerged in the feeling that was Alec. Magnus felt soft lips pressed against his eyelids and he opened them. When the golden green orbs caught the blue ones he felt the fear creep in to his soul again.

"I'm dreaming..." he said shaking slightly.

"No you're awake. I love you. I love you Magnus." Alec whispered in his hear again and again like a lullaby. Magnus felt Alec's harm encircle him and he realized with much shame that he was still shaking and crying silently, however this time it was out of pure joy; joy over the fact that he'd been dreaming, and joy over the fact that the Shadowhunter's harms were real and strong. Alec held him close to his chest and Magnus fell asleep again to the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard. Alec's beating heart.

**A/N: Alors voilà! :) Thank you so much for reading, even if you don't review just the fact that someone read what I wrote feels special to me but again if you have a second or a few words to spare please tell me what you think. I'm new but please don't be shy, don't hold back; I want to know! ;) Oh! And btw English is not my first language (thought it's second :) so please excuse any errors on my part... I hope it wasn't too bad and please tell me if you saw something awful, I would love to know! :) thank you again!**

**Burning Crystal Eyes**


End file.
